You are Your Values

Brené Brown – “when life is hard, … my values are my most consistent life raft for me.”

What are values?

• Values are intrinsic motivators on the things that matter most to us; should be our compass in life. French psychiatrist Jean Cottraux defines values as “solid beliefs that show that some goals in life are preferable to others” - Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.

• Values (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

• Your personal values are a central part of who you are – and who you want to be.

• Values are like your compass for how you live

Living in accordance with your values

When you are living in your values it’s effortless. You don’t have to overthink it as it comes naturally and it doesn’t induce anxiety. It comes easily and it feels good, just like a good old belly life.

If we aren’t living in alignment with our Values, we can feel friction, something like a “Sandpaper Effect” – our intuition screams at us that something isn’t right – we feel uncomfortable and this can manifest in unpleasant emotions and behaviour we don’t wish to exhibit. It might mean that our values have been compromised, such as in a job or when we are spending time with people whose values are incompatible with our own. Values can be lost by needs, a sense of duty and problems.

According to Susan David, anger might be a sign that your values are being challenged.
​She suggests investigating your anger with curiosity. A good way to do this is to journal about it, through asking yourself questions such as:

·        Where does this anger stem from?

·        What is it trying to tell me?

·        What can I learn from it?

·        What values does it point to?

·        What small step can I take that will serve those values for the longer term?

When we are experiencing transitions our values can be challenged and compromised which can make us lose control of our compass, if we don’t catch ourselves.

Benefits of someone identifying and focusing on their values:

Ultimately, we are our values. When we are living in our values we know ourselves and have self-assurance and confidence in who we are, our purpose and our place in the world.

Identifying and following values make it easier for a person to set their goals and achieve them more quickly. Their life goal will also have greater clarity and be more motivating.

When focused on their values, they will have less room for distraction, so a greater chance of satisfaction and fulfilment.

Your values can unlock the insight needed to understand and satisfy your needs. If you can learn to live according to your values, you can develop authentic self-actualization and fulfilment. So this won’t just mean short term happiness or a feeling of accomplishment, but a lasting feeling of joy that allows you to completely be yourself.

Our values have a big influence on how we act. Acting in ways that go against our values doesn’t make us feel great. So, we generally try to be consistent with our values. By becoming more aware of your life’s values, you can use them as a guide to make the best choice in any situation.

Some of life's decisions are really about determining what you value most. When many options seem reasonable, you can rely on your values to point you in the right direction, as they act like your compass.

When how you live matches your values, life has a better chance of being good and you can be more resilient when challenges come your way. When your existence doesn't align with your personal values, that's when things feel sticky and uncomfortable, which can lead to unhappiness, stress, anxiety, depression and other health issues, as shown by research.

When life is really hard, having your values to lean into can help you get into the light.

What I want you to realise is:

Your values are worth discovering

Your values are the best foundation on which to build your goals

You are your values

Living to your values can bring your life long term joy and fulfilment

You need to be in a safe space to find, know and live your values.

I can support you to better understand what is getting in the way of achieving your values. I can help you to uncover the actions you need to take to consolidate your values in your whole life.

Why we should take time to focus on our values

For me, no one has said it better than Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal who wrote in her book The Upside of Stress (audiobook) by:

“It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied. In the short term, writing about personal values makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong. It also makes them feel more loving, connected, and empathetic toward others. It increases pain tolerance, enhances self-control, and reduces unhelpful rumination after a stressful experience.

In the long term, writing about values has been shown to boost GPAs, reduce doctor visits, improve mental health, and help with everything from weight loss to quitting smoking and reducing drinking. It helps people persevere in the face of discrimination and reduces self-handicapping. In many cases, these benefits are a result of a one-time mindset intervention. People who write about their values once, for ten minutes, show benefits months or even years later.”

—Kelly McGonigal

Questions to support figuring out what your needs are

Think back over the last few weeks or months and try to place 5 moments when you felt truly content. Who were you with? What were you doing? Why did it feel so good? What did you learn?

Write about a time when you felt proud. Why did you feel proud? Who was proud of you? What factors contributed to your feeling of pride?

In general, when and where do you feel happiest?

When, where and with whom do you tend to feel most uncomfortable with?

What 3 things might people say about you when you leave the room? What 3 things would you like them to say?

If money was no object and you had no constraints, what would you do with your time?

From answering the above questions, you might be identifying what your own needs are: we all have needs that we should be meeting if we are being true to ourselves. Knowing what you need is the precursor to knowing and supporting your values, and ensuring that you are aligned with your values in meeting your needs. Your thoughts and behaviours will be impacted by your needs and values. Values are your vital life compass in all that you do.

There can be a lot of talk about professional and personal values, but problems arise when we have to splinter ourselves between who we really are in our truest selves and who we are at work. The most fierce and unseen driver of disengagement at work can be when people realise their values are not aligned between their own and their workplace’s values. Or often more accurately, the organisation’s values being lived out in practice are often the polar opposite to what the employer claims them to be. If an organisation states that they have values but they are not being lived out in their behaviour, then these values are not their values. This situation is not fixable for a person who is not aligned with values in practice in the place where they spend on average 40 hours per week.

Choose your values

Have a look at this list of values on James Clear’s page – www.jamesclear.com/core-values  – which of these resonate with you? Circle maximum 15, then take time to narrow these down to 2 or 3 that matter the most to you – which are you completely unwilling to compromise on?

Make these values meaningful for you

As James Clear asks, are your behaviours / habits casting votes for the values you’re trying to embody?

Are you living to values that no longer serve you?

What are one or 2 behaviours that specifically support your values?

What are one or 2 behaviours that are outside of your core values?

What behaviours drive you away from living out your values?

What’s an example of a time you were truly living to your core values?

Who is someone that knows your values and supports your efforts to live into them?

What does it look like when this someone knows and supports your values?

What can you do for yourself as an act of compassion to support yourself in the work of living into your values? If these values are true to you, they should come easily.

Where in your life are your Values being honoured? What can you do now that would honour you values?

What actions do you need to take to live into your values?

IF YOU WOULD LIKE SUPPORT IN IDENTIFYING YOUR VALUES AND LIVING THEM OUT, PLEASE GET IN TOUCH WITH ME. I AM MOTIVATED TO ENABLE PEOPLE TO FIND THEIR JOY AND KEY TO THIS IS KNOWING AND LIVING THROUGH THE SELECT VALUES THAT ARE MEANINGFUL TO YOU.